I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
