We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
