oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
