I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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