he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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