She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
