i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
