How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
