Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
