Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
