We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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