Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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