she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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