we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
