i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
