how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
