I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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