No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
