I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
