I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
