i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
