She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we're so committed to being not committed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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