Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
