My liver just broke up with me...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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