i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
