If i come over, it means nothing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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