I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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