Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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