Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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