I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
