Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
