I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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