How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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