I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
