I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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