My cat gives me a boner
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The best revenge is premature balding
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
