two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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