I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
