so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
