Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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