Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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