whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
