Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
