My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
