I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
