the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
