and you said cock pushups were impossible
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
