i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
