If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
