I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
