You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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