I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
