she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
