He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
